I got a call from my good friend NORTON!
Who discussed the way the winter is shorten (-ed)
Here in the brightly-lit sunshine state
And he had a point he wanted to reiterate.
“you know how I now live here in upper New York,
And at this time of year my truck tires use torque
As I attempt to drive in the deep, deep snow
From my place of work and back to my lovely chateau,
“and though it will be weeks before this snow will melt,
And you don’t GET snow there south of the Bible Belt,
This weekend it’s supposed to be fifty degrees--
At least as far as the weatherman forsees--
“And I want to point out a little thought I just thunk
One that lifted me out of my wintery funk:
When it’s 50 down THERE, you all put on a jacket
While when it’s 50 up HERE we grab the badminton racquet
“And we rush on outdoors into the day bright and shiny,
And we lay in the grass and sit on our hiney
And we pound the neighbour’s door and hammer door knockers
‘cuz it’s warm enough to run ‘round in our knickerbockers!
“So while it may be grand down there in the Florida heat
I find my life up here just perfectly complete.
I’d think myself crazy, and devoid of all reason
If I lived in a place that had only one season!
I like the fall when it turns orange, brown and yellow,
And I like the spring when the ground is mushy as Jell-O.
Of course I like summer, of that you don’t need to be told,
But I should remind you that some of us actually LIKE the cold.
I love to go skiing with long boards on my feet
Zipping down frozen mountains just can’t be beat!
I like to build snowmen and throw hardpack snowballs
And I like to sit by the fire with a copy of McCall’s!*
Of course there’s blizzards and possible frostbite
And sometimes we go seven weeks without sunlight
But at least we don’t get massive hurricanes
And heat that’s so hot it melts down your brains
And our insects are small and not of the size
Where a swarm of them will block out the skies
and fly in your mouth making you wheeze and cough
(and some are so big they could carry small children off!)
I’m not near an ocean where they hang up a purple flag
To warn of “dangerous sea life” that can put’cha in a body bag
After wading through the tall green sea grass
And a jellyfish swims up to sting you on the… foot.
No, I’m miles away from that bright world of Disney
And those other 2 parks owned by a beer company
But I’m doin’ just fine, I do swear,
It’ll be 50, and I’ll be in my underwear.